Saturday, 12 May 2012

Thing, thy name is...

...Felix. If I am going to carry out my new plan, I have decided I must practice as I preach, and this includes politeness at all times. So from this day onwards, I will refer to the Thing as Felix. Apparently this is the name the parents chose, it wasn't forced on them, which just goes to show how surprising the world can be. Anyway, I digress.

 I have spent today observing Felix's moves to learn more about my new ally. He seems to be a perplexing mixture of incompetence and determination. Incompetence in that he can't walk properly, gets stuck in awkward corners easily, dribbles a lot, requires constant attention in case he sticks his finger in a plug socket, appears to have no understanding of basic commands and cannot always just go to sleep when he is tired. His determination though is quite outstanding, I must applaud him in that. How many times is it necessary to crawl behind the bar to access the intriguing delights therein, despite being picked up and removed each and every time? Well, I have lost count, I really have. This boy just does not give up.

He is also a bit of a kindred spirit in that he interprets the word 'no' as one that is not always to be obeyed immediately, but at a pace that suits him. Attaboy.

However, the downside to all this determination, made worse by the incompetence (particularly physical incompetence - does everyone start out so wobbly?), is his attitude to us hounds. To be generous, he seems very keen on us. He's always pottering up, waving some beloved toy, wanting to pat our lovely furry backsides. But the patting is more of a battering, and is also often accompanied by poking, pulling and shouting. It is entirely Not Etiquette.

I have concluded that this is not a character flaw, it is a species flaw. Humans start out life incapable in so many ways (indeed some remain so all their lives) and must be Educated. Innate understanding of dog needs is missing. This can be rectified, as I intend to show, with patient training, a great deal of repetition, some carefully targeted rewards and most importantly time. In the meantime, I will protect my rump from assault by removing it from reach.

Now where did I leave that clicker...

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