A sad affair in cocker service provision

Dear Mother

I cannot fail to notice that on 11 out of the last 14 days the collie and I have not been walked until the afternoon. In addition on these days we have been left alone all morning without sustenance. This is unacceptable. Please provide an adequate explanation and 3 point plan for improvement to the service you are supposed to provide.

Clive


Dear Clive

Firstly, you can't count to 11 let alone 14. In fact, you can only count to 3 because you get 3 food events each day, 2 meals and 1 snack. So don't give me that lip.

Mother


Dear Mother

Technically we get 2 meals and a snack. In reality, you split what I regard to be one decent-ish meal into 2, and forget about the snack altogether. And where's my 3 point plan?

Clive


Dear Clive

Snacks are not your right, they are a privilege I occasionally give you. Like the Yorkshire puddings on roast dinner days, and the packet of gone soft gingerbread men I am currently - occasionally - giving you. Be grateful dammit or I'll give them all to the collie.

Mother


Dear Mother.

Perfidy. Why am I surprised?

Clive

There's something in my ear...

...and I just can't get at it. Seriously, it's driving me NUTS.

I have done a lot of scratching, some quite outstanding rubbing of ear on the ground, and have even submitted to being molested with scissors to trim my manly ear curls and it still

ITCHES.

I need a solution and I need it fast or it'll be the low road to the V E T.


Oh and Happy New Year by the way. Was it a waggy one for you?